Grief is a virtually universal experience—but people can experience it in vastly different ways. While many of us know how it feels to lose a loved one, we may not always know what to say or do to help someone else in their time of grief. If you know a person who has lost someone close to them, your support can make a meaningful difference in their ability to process their feelings, get things done, cope, and begin to heal.

“We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world – the company of those who have known suffering.”
— Helen Keller

Be prepared to listen actively and without judgment, offer specific, practical assistance like meals or errands, and provide a consistent, supportive presence over time. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or platitudes, as it’s more helpful to validate their feelings and simply be there for them.

BE PRESENT AND LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT

• Be there and listen. Let the person know you are there to listen, even if there are long periods of silence.
• Acknowledge their pain. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Avoid minimizing their grief with things like, “They’re in a better place” or “You’ll get over it”.
• Don’t press them to talk. It’s okay if they don’t want to share their feelings; your presence alone can be a great comfort.
• Use specific conversation starters. “How are you today?” or “What can I do for you right now?,” rather than general questions like “How are you?”.

OFFER PRACTICAL HELP

• Provide specific, hands-on help. Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” offer concrete task like cooking meals, running errands, or helping with chores.
• Offer to help with logistics. This could include helping with funeral arrangements, taking kids to school, or assisting with other practical matters.
• Be a source of comfort. If the person is comfortable, a hug or holding their hand can provide a sense of closeness.

PROVIDE ONGOING SUPPORT

• Understand grief takes time. Be patient, as the grieving process is unique for everyone and can last a long time.
• Keep in touch. Continue to offer support in the weeks and months following the loss.
• Be flexible. The griever’s needs will change over time, so be prepared for their emotions and needs to fluctuate.

AVOID COMMON PITFALLS

• Don’t offer false comfort or platitudes. Phrases like “everything happens for a reason” can be invalidating and likely won’t get it done as intended.
• Don’t compare your grief to theirs. Every grief experience is unique, so avoid saying “I know exactly what you’re going through”.
• Don’t try to fix their grief. Your role is to support them, not to take away their pain.
• Don’t pressure them to be strong. Instead of saying “You’re so strong,” give them permission to feel their feelings and cry.

“The accidents of life separate us from our dearest friends, but let us not despair. God is like a looking glass in which souls see each other,” and “let your dear heart fly directly to Him, your Savior, throwing yourself into His arms for refuge against every pain and sorrow.”
— St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, Patron Saint of Grief